5 People that Were Really Counting on Judgement Day

Well Judgement Day came and went and there were no reported raptures that I have heard of.  Well maybe a few people disappeared, but they probably got kidnapped and unfortunately for them people just assumed  they were brought into the sky and nobody bothered to go looking for them.  This is certainly a disappointment to me, but I believe that this event, or lack of an event, has impacted 5 celebrities negatively.  They fully believed in Judgement Day, only to find out that May 21 came and went, and they were completely screwed!

5) Floyd Mayweather

Everyone wants to see a Floyd Mayweather vs Manny Pacquiao fight.  Well, that is everyone except for Mr. Mayweather.  The undefeated fighter has used every excuse imaginable to avoid fighting Manny.  When asked how much money it would take for the fight to happen, he very humbly stated "100 million." People do not realize that running around with hundreds and making it rain is not cheap.  However, Floyd knew in his heart that he could retire with a perfect record because Judgement Day would come and he would be raptured.  And if he wasn't raptured, he would simply use all his cash to have someone fly a spaceship and follow all the righteous people that were being saved.  After all, this is Money Mayweather.  However, May 21st came and went and Judgement Day never occurred.  Floyd is still on Earth, and he has to keep figuring out reasons why he will not fight Manny.  Unfortunately for him, his creativity is running dry and his list of excuses is growing smaller!

4) Russell Westbrick

The interview with Westbrick after he was benched for the 4th quarter was absolutely incredible.  The reporters kept asking him how he felt about the situation, and Westbrick answered calmly that he was just happy that the team won.  Now why on Earth would an all star point guard decide that it's ok for him to sit when the game's on the line and watch a backup lead the team to victory?  Well Russell had read Camping's books and decided that the end of the world was coming and this whole series simply did not matter.  Did Westbrook have a game where he managed to get more assists than turnovers? NO. Has he stopped taking stupid shots after hearing the entire country bitch about how dumb he was? NO. But all this would not matter because the world would be ending, and Russell would obviously be saved. (Because he is, after all, the best.) Nobody would care about a basketball series after a giant earthquake killed a couple of million people, right?  Well there was no earthquake, and everyone's eyes were glued to the television screen as the Thunder managed to lose after having a 15 pt lead with 5 minutes left to go. On the bright side, Russell Westbrick managed to hand out what seemed to be a career high 8 assists while only falling over the ball 6 times, which marks his transition into almost becoming a poor man's point guard.

3) Charlie Sheen

Charlie Sheen is truly a remarkable human being.  He manages to live a lifestyle that would get the average American locked away in drug rehab or in a mental hospital.  However, he does virtually whatever he wants and labels it "winning." Ah yes, the good old phrase "winning." He used it so many times that it's become virtually a national catchphrase.  It seems that ordinary Americans say they are winning after managing the most unimpressive forms of success.  However, the truth is Charlie has been winning in the past, but is now very close to "losing."  This man used to get paid $1.25 million per episode of "Two and a Half Men." Now he wanders around America, appearing on various television shows and hosting his own show.  In fact, he brought his show to Radio City in New York, where he was welcomed by a hostile crowd that booed him constantly. (Truth is, I'm not too sure what the crowd was expecting when they paid $100+ to see this guy talk) But now, with a lot of his money spent on cocaine, porn stars, and God knows what else, how long can his run continue?  Had the rapture occurred (Charlie would have been banging far too many seven gram rocks to notice) then he would not need to worry about money.  However, the world continues as always and Charlie continues to tread down a slippery path which probably does not lead somewhere pleasant.  After all, a crazy/drunk/drugged out white guy can only be entertaining for so long before Mel Gibson steals the spotlight again.

2) Gucci Mane

For all those who do not know, Gucci mane is a rapper and probably the most successful borderline retarded human being that you will ever find.  He was released from jail earlier this year for violating his parole.  And it seems as if he really enjoyed jail, because he has been doing everything humanly possible to go back.  A woman has come out and accused Gucci Mane of throwing her out of a moving Hummer.  She claims this was done after she refused to go back to the hotel with him, and that the Hummer was moving while she was thrown out.  Now I do not expect a man that gets an ice cream tattoo on his face to realize that throwing a woman out of a moving Hummer is illegal, but perhaps Gucci Mane is more intelligent then we realize.  Maybe he was living life on the wild side, doing whatever crazy things he wanted to because he realized the end of the world was right around the corner.  However, now May 21 passed and Harold Camping's prophecy did not come true.  Gucci Mane, if he was really counting on the end of the world, is stuck with an ice cream tattoo, probably a huge lawsuit from that female that he threw out of his Hummer, (we do not know the full story yet, for all we know it could have been self defense) and probably significant time in jail for not displaying one iota of proof that he can function in the real world without partaking in multiple illegal activities.

1) Harold Camping

Now this should come as no surprise to anyone.  The person most impacted by Harold Camping's false prophecy is Harold Camping himself.  He is an 89 year old man who spent virtually his entire life predicting the end of the world.  You would think he'd be good at it.  But no, May 21st came and went and sure enough nothing happened.  Harold was apparently astonished by the news, and retreated to a motel with his wife the day of the supposed Judgement Day.  However, he later came out and announced that he did not know how he could have possibly been wrong.  He did say though, that October 21st would still be the End of the World.  There was no rapture, he argues, but the people that were meant to be saved were saved and the rest of the world would meet its end October 21st.  Unfortunately, nobody seems to think the third time will be the charm for this false prophet, and he has become the laughing stock of the media.  I mean, I feel bad for him.  Imagine forming your entire image on one date!  He wrote books, made multiple broadcasts, and wagered his entire reputation on May 21st being the end of the world.  Now all he has left is a shitload of embarrassment, a bunch of people who left their homes and their possessions who probably want to kill him, and a third false prophecy to hang onto .

Oh, and he does have a couple of million from idiots who decided to believe him.  Too bad his life expectancy is approximately 15 weeks and he doesn't have that much time to use it.