Not sure if you heard but Judgement Day is Saturday

Well I am not sure if you heard or not, but the world as we know it will be ending on Saturday.  Well it's not technically going to end, but it's going to be "Judgement Day" so if your still around after Saturday, that means you weren't saved and your fucking screwed.  Well believe it or not, there are people out there that are skeptical.  They do not seem to believe that the world is in fact going to end.

Well clearly these people do not realize just how brilliant Harold Camping is.  If you do not know Harold Camping, he is the president of Family Radio and an expert in predicting the end of the world.  In terms of sheer brilliance, he is certainly up there with Einstein and Galileo.  And you know what, when they were coming out with their predictions, people pointed fingers at them and said they were idiots too.  So just because a lot of people doubt this guy does not make him an idiot.  

Does this look like an idiot to you?

That man above is Mr. Camping himself.  He was born in 1921, and he predicts the end of the world for a living.  That is right, that man has been predicting the end of the world longer than most of us have been alive.  You wouldn't go up to a doctor that's been practicing for several decades and question their judgement, would you?  And yet there are a bunch of idiots out there who have no experience in doomsday predictions calling this man crazy.  

It's important to note how this man came to his conclusion.  Now Mr. Camping has a degree from UCal Berkley, so it's important to note that you will probably not understand his logic.  I had to personally reread Wikipedia several times in order to fully grasp this man's brilliance.  Anyway, here is the equation.  

According to this brilliant man, Christ was hung on the cross on April 1, 33 AD.  The time between April 1, 33 AD and April 1, 2011 is 1,978 years.  Now you take 1,978 and multiply it by 365.2422 (the number of days in a solar year) and you get 722,449.  Do you see it yet?  The time between April 1 and May 21 is 51 days.  You add 51 to 722,449 and you end up with 722,500!  And now here is the clincher!  (5 x 10 x 17) squared is the same as (atonement x completeness x heaven) squared.  And what do they equal mathematically??? 722,500!!!!! Now if this part of the equation confuses you, or perhaps the entire equation confuses you, that only means one thing: You are not as smart as Harold Camping.  (Source used for the incredibly complex equation is wikipedia.com)

And in case you are not a loyal listener to Mr. Camping's radio show, then here is what will happen on May 21.

-> At approximately 6 pm (it is unknown if God accounted for daylight savings time) there will be a great earthquake.  

-> All the dead bodies of the saved will be lifted into heaven, while the evil bodies will presumably remain dead. 

-> Appromixately 3% of the entire human population will be lifted up into the sky, while everyone else will be left to suffer through the end of the world. (The world itself ends October 21st, in case you were wondering.)

Now if you find yourself being lifted up into the sky on Saturday, this is literally the best case scenario.  If Saturday goes by and nothing happens to you, THEN YOU ARE SCREWED.  This will probably be due to the fact that you were an evil person on Earth AND/or you insulted Mr. Camping's judgement/did not send him enough money.  If you are reading this, stop and ask yourself, will I be part of the 3%?

Critics have come out and said that Mr. Camping was wrong about the date before when he said the world would end in 1994.  He explained that he made a mathematical error, but the world took him to be a nut.  They laughed at him.  They called him an idiot.  All because he misread his graphing calculator or misunderstood one of the verses in the Bible.  

Well this time he will not be denied.  Do you really believe that he has no idea what he's talking about.  He wrote several books, one of which is called "The End of the World is Almost Here! Holy God Will Bring Judgment on May 21, 2011."  He puts his entire career on the line in the very freaking title of the book! He put up several advertisements all over America making sure we associate May 21 with Judgement Day.  There is no way a man who has staked so much of his career and reputation on a single date could possibly do this without being absolutely certain.  This time, there were no calculator errors.  This time, Mr. Hawking is absolutely certain! 

All I'm saying is if you feel the ground shaking on Saturday, try not to shit yourself.