Urgent Message to my Young Readers...Stop Planking

Happy Father's day to everyone,

Anyway I come here today not to make fun of politicians or movies or anything, but to tell you of a strange phenomenon that I have just heard about.  My dear cousin, who is going to be a senior in high school, recently stumped me when he decided to start posting a bunch of pictures online with him seemingly lying on the floor or on something.  He refers to this as "planking." According to a very valid source (Urbandictionary.com) planking is:

The art of planking is to lay horizontally across any object or the ground with their arms by their sides, aiming to occur in daring situations or a brotherly display of core-strength.


Now I say this is the fucking stupidest thing I have ever seen before.  Whatever happened to high school kids trying gateway drugs that ultimately led them into a life full of sadness, unemployment, and blogging.  Instead of causing trouble, high schoolers around America are just laying facedown while their peers snap pictures of them and laugh.  Then they upload it to Facebook and sit around having a grand old time about it.  In case you didn't know, older kids have been planking for quite some time now.  Except in our cases, what you idiots call planking is actually getting excessively drunk and falling on the ground and flailing your arms around because you can't get up.  For high school kids, this experience is apparently the greatest thing ever.  For anyone over the age of 18, it really sucks.

Now in case you were wondering what a proper plank looks like, my friend actually demonstrates a picture-perfect plank.  Now he probably will get pissed at me for posting this, but it's for the kids.  If you wanted to see how it's done, look no further.

Note the expression on his face.  Which leads me to my next important point.  There is a possibility that planking will kill you.

That's right you heard it here first, people have actually died from lying down and having their picture taken.  Just read this. 

Now I don't want to poke fun at the deceased individual, so may he rest in peace.  But do you really want to end your life engaging in this activity??? In case you haven't heard, the Aussie 20 year old died after planking a balcony railing and then falling 7 stories to his death.  Now this is truly a tragic story, but   come on.  You don't want to die and have the police explain to your family exactly what it was that you were doing.  If you are going to engage in this activity, please please please do it safely.  I made a short how to plank video.  Notice, I am planking a picnic table.  The worst that can happen is the table will collapse on me, and I will fall 3 feet and bruise my enormous ego.

Unfortunately, this video is not long enough to truly get my message across.  I do not mention situations where you should not plank.  Well, I will fix that now and save some lives.  Please do not plank in the following situations:
-Do not plank a moving car.  You will probably die.
-Do not plank an animal that weighs over 200 lbs. You will probably die.
-Do not plank a highway.  You will most certainly die.
-Do not plank excessive heights.  Remember, if you would not feel comfortable jumping the distance, don't fucking lay down and potentially end up falling that distance.  You will probably die.
-Do not plank around explosives.  You will probably die because while everyone else is running away, you will be face down on the ground waiting for the camera flash.

Now I know that list is pretty self explanatory.  But please, I really hope the death of that Aussie will be the last death attributable to this stupid new activity.  But one quick glance on Youtube, and all of a sudden I don't know about that.  If you must plank, do it safely.  Seriously.  That's probably the only serious thing I have ever said on this blog.

But anyway, thanks for reading this.  I made it pretty short so you can get back to planking.

-Divine 6/19/2011

The GOP Has Lost Its Way ... and Its Soul.

The Republicans are in the midst of what they’re calling a Leadership Conference in New Orleans and a number of candidates for that party’s presidential nomination have made appearances there.Predictably, speaker after speaker has attacked Barack Obama. But what I don’t understand is how members of the audience, no matter how partisan their views, can applaud – let alone swallow – statements made about the president of this country that are outrageous, inflammatory and demonstrably false.

For example, former House Speaker Newt Gingrich charged that Obama is a “national secular European socialist”. Huh?? I know what each of those words means individually, but I’ll be damned if I can figure out what they describe when presented as a package. My best guess is that Newt, the serial philanderer, is just slapping buzzwords on Obama hoping the faithful will start foaming at the mouth. Then there’s Michele Bachmann, who accused the president of plotting to bankrupt Medicare so seniors will be forced to join his national health care program. Yes … seriously! (For heaven’s sake, Medicare is the national health care program for seniors!) If this woman seriously believes that statement, she is delusional. If she doesn’t, then she’s is the worst kind of liar and is pandering to the wilfully ignorant folks who apparently make up most of her constituency.

And, in the worst possible taste, the evening featured a black "comedian" who did a largely tasteless impersonation of President Obama. (Sample: he said Michelle Obama celebrates Black History Month for a full 30 days, but the president only observes it for two weeks ... a reference to the fact that Obama is half white and half black.) It should be noted that the mostly white audience whooped and laughed at this sad character until someone on the committe with more than an IQ of 40 hustled him off stage.Somehow, the non-thinkers and the fanatic ideologues and the racists and the just-plain-crazies have bubbled to the top of the Once-Grand Old Party. Thoughtful, rational debate around honest differences of opinion no longer seems possible. In fact, it’s no longer tolerated.The party of Abraham Lincoln and Dwight Eisenhower and, yes, even of Ronald Reagan and George Herbert Walker Bush has disgraced itself.

MINNEAPOLIS: Muslim Women Stage "Head-Scarf Flash Mob" At RightOnline

On Thursday night, I happened upon the tail-end of an incident outside the SEIU party in which a man was arrested for allegedly threatening Muslim women. I saw the man being handcuffed and though little more of it until tonight when about a dozen headscarf-wearing Muslim women (and their allies) "flash-mobbed" the lobby of the Minneapolis Hilton in reaction to (as yet, unconfirmed) reports that the arrested man was an attendee of RightOnline.

After the women left under hotel security escort, AmericaBlog author John Aravosis fielded increasingly angry questions from RightOnline attendees. Dan Choi, of course, glommed onto the scene and when I left he was still refusing to leave and had begun glad-handing baffled RightOnline attendees as they came off the escalators, shaking their hands and saying "God bless you beautiful Americans! God bless the Fair Tax!" Ugh. Here's my clip.

GLAAD Head Jarrett Barrios Resigns

After enduring weeks of criticism over a letter sent to the FCC supporting the merger of AT&T and TMobile, GLAAD head Jarrett Barrios has resigned. Those critical of the letter pointed out that AT&T is one of GLAAD's biggest annual donors. Other recipients of AT&T donations such as the NAACP and the NEA have issued similar letters.

Rep. Keith Ellison Gets Wellstone Award

Rep. Keith Ellison, the first Muslim elected to Congress, was just given an award in the name of another famed progressive Minnesotan, the late Sen. Paul Wellstone, who died in a plane crash in 2002.

GetEQUAL Glitters Crazy Eyes

I'm not seeing it in this clip, but Michelle "Crazy Eyes" Bachmann was reportedly glittered by GetEQUAL moments ago as she left the stage at the anti-gay hate conference. I'll try to find better video. [Replaced the first video, but it doesn't appear Bachmann was hit by the glitter.]

UPDATE: GetEQUAL has issued a press release.

Shortly after a speech at the RightOnline conference, pro-LGBT activist Rachel E. B. Lang approached Bachmann, threw glitter in the air, and said, “You can run, but you cannot hide! Keep your hate out of our Constitution!” — a reference to the “You Can Run But You Cannot Hide” ministry for which Bachmann has helped raise money [1] and to a proposed ban on same-sex marriage in Minnesota. The ministry, a brainchild of rabidly anti-gay Bradley Dean, charges thousands of dollars to speak at public school assemblies and evangelize young people based on a shocking and offensive anti-gay program.

(Via - Good As You)

I Just Met Sen. Al Franken

I happened to be passing Sam Seder's radio booth when Franken arrived for his interview. Introduced myself, shook hands, got a pleasant (if distracted) "Heyhowareya!" Totally bloggable, though.